What is UP Kribbers? Jones Carnation here for KTV Kribs bringing you the hottest, coolest and most jamming Kribs across the Seven Systems. Today we're hanging close to home with two of Kybele's richest faces - or should I say richest face – we're here with the Solanaceaus twins in their Penthouse Suite.
Our brothers live at the very top of the tallest building on Kybele - that's right, not one of the tallest, not the tallest in the city, but the tallest on the planet. Unless you're counting the lowerhanging space stations but who does that!1) What a view! Unless you're bored of that shit, then BAM artificial windows. Wanna see space? Wanna see the city? We got you. Solid.
Biggest thing about this place though - it's got stuff. You want historical artifacts? Bang, there you go, how's the Golden Bird of Eunomia? Got that right there, next to some funky statues of ladies without arms. Get your fill while you can folks - these babies ain't gonna be here for long as our boys aren't just collecting art for no reason. They're gonna be up for sale soon - so keep a look out if you've got a few million creds up your sleeve.
Couple the crazy artifacts with THEE hottest tech direct from Kedalion and a whole landing pad full of sick-ass rides and – check this OUT and actual solid gold toilet. This place is DRIPPING with luxury and we LOVe it.
Our show has seen spaceships, it's seen underwater domes, it's seen a whole-ass asteroid hollowed out into a spacious couple's retreat. It takes a LOT to impress the KTV Kribs team with a penthouse. But the Solanaceaus twins' pure, bare-faced osten-fucking-tation is enough to get them the fabled KTV Kribs horn.
BWAAAAAAM BWAA BWAA BWAAAAAAAM
One of the most enduring mysteries from the Ananke Conference though – aside, of course, from the mysteries of time travel – is the disappeared art. A number of highly valuable art pieces that had been brought to the station for display went missing on the second to last day of the conference, along with - reportedly - a large proportion of Princess Eusenia of Eunomia's jewellery.
A few of these pieces reappeared on the interplanetary art market over twenty years later. However, their seller was completely anonymous - even when the most advanced tracking methods were deployed by the GSP's Galactic Crimeforce, the only link that could be found was to a reserved Kybele socialite and art trader, Lartius Solanaceaus.
While suspicion fell, naturally, on Solanaceaus, his involvement appeared to be entirely innocent – the pieces were acquired from a number of anonymous sources. Many of the galaxy's art collectors prefer to remain anonymous as a matter of course, and with artifacts as questionably legal as these ones it's no surprise that their security was untraceable. With no evidence to go on, the police were forced to leave Solanaceaus alone.
– An extract from The Ananke Story, but Khadija Schmidt
'What do you mean, we can't extradite them? We have a mountain of evidence showing that –'
'They're on Kybele ma'am.'
'Yes, I know they're on Kybele, that's the whole problem. The Solanaceaus brothers have stolen some of Kedalion's most valuable historical artifacts and we have solid evidence. Not only that we have evidence they're committing crimes on Kybele, we're doing them a favour if we take them in.'
'Not the way they see it ma'am. Everyone on Kybele knows they're crooks as well.'
'Then why can't we just arrest them?'
'They're too entertaining ma'am. They live a life of absolute luxury and occasionally let people film them. The Kybele love that. We'd apparently be damaging the Kybele economy in the order of millions per year if we take them in.'
'I hate my job sometimes.'
'I know ma'am.'